You know that I could use somebody.

I love you. I miss you. I hate you. You lied. I lied. We all lied. You ruined me. You ruined my view on love.

We could all always say something, blame people for things over an amount of time, but really we are the ones responsible for what opinion we come to on something. We are responsible for our own mistakes, etc., etc.. Although I will say this, sometimes there are other people to blame. I won't torture you with some kind of story of my past or whatever they are called. Because it doesn't matter anymore. It's in the past. It's time to step forward and just forget about it all completely. I've done a good job of it so far, I think. Now I just need to let it all go completely. Though there is one thing that I can't really forget about and that is what happened to me in 2008, but I won't bore any of you with talks of that either.

I have come to find that there is another escape for me other than playing my guitar. Last night I was feeling a bit down and I started listening to music and I turned the volume up all the way on my laptop with my earbuds in my ears and just listened to the music. Now some of you would be like, "That would hurt my ears.", it didn't mine. I can't even explain it, so I'm just going to stop trying to.

I've come to find that I'm kind of getting attached to someone. Two people, actually, although one... there feels like... I don't even know. I sometimes have difficulty explaining how things, people, everything makes me feel.

Also... something else I want to talk about. I know people say that you have to believe in yourself to be great. To think you're great to be great or whatever. But there are just SOME people that drive me nuts. This one person I know just seems to think she is "all that" and it's so annoying. I'm glad I don't talk to her anymore. But then there are people who are great. YOU are great. There is no denying it. You may think that you aren't, but you are. At least, I think you are. Does that matter? Probably not. My opinion never really matters, haha.

But I look at all these people who are doing something, making something of themselves and as much as I try, I can't get where I want to be. It seems impossible for me. I think that most of it is based off of my fear that I don't know if ten or fifteen years, if I'll be alive or not(it's a long story and I'm not going to explain, just take the information and go with the flow.). I think that I just want to make something of myself before I die. I think that really, I want to be remembered. But in a good way. I want people to remember me for being a good person, for accomplishing everything I set my mind to. Not this person who spent every day sitting on the couch in her mother's house, surfing the web. No. That's not who I want to be.

Time to change, Jessica.