Always attract.

I don't know how to describe it. It's so weird, really. How can you feel the slightest attraction to someone you've never even met in real life? It's such a weird thing, really. The way you can feel a certain emotion towards someone by reading something they say to you. Is it strange? I don't think it is, really.

What about for those of you who have met someone once and keep contact with them and then you feel an attraction of some sort to them? I don't even know, honestly. What is the point of this blog post? I don't know that either. I'm just kind of letting it flow, really.

Rise up, you are what I live for.
Blinking sleepily, in a new world.
What is this? This feeling?
I thought that love was impossible for me.

I've felt it, you know. Love. People always misjudge, they always say, "Oh, you're young. You don't know what love is.", but, in fact, I actually do. You don't get it. None of you do. I may be "young", according to some people, but that doesn't mean I'm daft in everything. I mean, come on. I may not be able to comprehend big words or multiply and long divide, but I am smart in some ways. I believe and know that I am. But, back on topic. Attraction and love. You see, I've liked quite a few guys so far. I think my first that I ever felt something strong for... well, I never told him. The second pretty much screwed me over, so. I've been hurt quite a bit by people, not just in love and relationships, mind you. I've had people betray me, I've had people judge me-- but, hey. That's life, right? Right. We all have to deal with it. There is no way to avoid it. Of course, unless you cut off internet, telephones and lock your doors and windows constantly and have someone deliver food for you that is pushed through some little door so that you don't have to open any doors and you just live at home all the time, alone. With maybe a few cats. A hermit. Ha.

I fear it the most, that feeling of being alone.
Insecurities deprive me of what I deserve.
Of what I believe.

Though I always feel completely ridiculous for getting attached to people, even if it's via internet. It's stupid, for the most part. Why get attached to someone who lives many states away when you have no money to go and see them? Why get attached to someone who lives overseas when, if you don't have money for states then why would you have money for overseas? I don't understand myself sometimes. I confuse myself all the time with my own reasonings, then I realize, "Yes, Jessica, that was lame. That was stupid. Don't believe that.".

I want you, only you.
Hold me, love me.

I don't need a relationship, but it seems that life operates in this kind of way. You wake up, you eat, you go to work, you chat with co-workers, you kiss up to the boss, you pay bills, you mow your lawn. Meet someone new, go out, fall in love, get your heart broken-- it's a constant cycle, really. Only the lucky ones get to actually settle down and be happy for forever. Everyone else? They get married and hate the marriage. I've seen three marriages fall apart right before my eyes. Of course, the first one was ok, understandable, when I was eight I didn't like it, but that's just life. The second marriage? Yeah, the guy was horrible and didn't treat anybody right. My mom had every right to divorce him. The third one? Yeah, that one was ok too. For it to fall apart, I mean. She laid in the bed, ordered other people around, made everybody else feel lousy about themselves while she laid in bed, consuming junk food and doped up on pain medication. But it seems that this is how life operates. You see so many people work hard, meet someone, get married, get divorced, have kids, start over, etc., etc.. Why don't people try something different for once or does it make them feel insecure to step outside of their boundaries for once?

I'm not exactly sure what point I'm trying to get across at all. I'm confusing even myself.

I would like to revolve solely around you.
You are my world, but can I be your sun?

I want to say that I don't need love, but, let's face it, every hopless romantic needs a little bit of it, right? Though the things that hopeless romantic's dream about hardly ever come true. I will never have someone throw pebbles at my window and take me off to some secluded, beautiful place with candles surrounding everywhere and a moonlit dinner. I will never have someone randomly show up at my front door with a dozen(or more?) red roses. I will never lay under the stars, fingers laced with someone else's while we whisper words quietly beneath the stars-- No. That doesn't really happen. It's all pretend. It's all make believe. Like Peter Pan.

Can you hear me now, whispering for you?
I am afraid of my own voice.
I can't bring myself to tell you...

Love. Such a funny thing to discuss. I could have talked about Oprah or Barak Obama or Lady GaGa or how Britney Spears just DOESN'T GIVE UP, but, alas, here I am, the hopeless romantic, talking about love. Of course.

I want to take that risk with you.
For you.
Always for you.

xo.

Je veux ton amour
Et je veux ta revanche
Je veux ton amour